The Teaching of Jesus concerning Divorce and Remarriage

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The Teaching of Jesus concerning Divorce and Remarriage
by Don Murphy

Breaking the Sabbath When we consider the subject of divorce and remarriage, we run into many strong opinions, just as Jesus did concerning the subject of Sabbath keeping. Recall that keeping the Sabbath is one of the Ten Commandments, yet Jesus often did not keep the Sabbath in the eyes of the Pharisees, who had strong opinions on how it is to be observed. Jesus had to tell them, "The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath" (Mk 2:27). That is a good thing for us to remember when discussing divorce and remarriage: marriage was made for man and not man for the marriage. We also should remember that Jesus said, "If you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice’, you would not have condemned the guiltless. For the Son of Man is lord of the Sabbath." (Mt 12:7-8)

What is a Marriage? A marriage is a covenant relationship between two people that is recognized by the society in which they live. There are three types of marriages:
    (1) A marriage of a man and a woman, both believers and followers of the Lord Jesus, that occurred in the Church in accordance with the Word of God and is approved by God.
    (2) A marriage of a man and a woman who were not followers of the Lord Jesus at the time of the marriage but, being of sound mind and free to marry, have, of their own free will, made vows of fidelity with each other. Such a marriage may be recognized by God as a valid marriage in his sight.
    (3) A union of two people in circumstances other than above. This could include marriages between close relatives, bigamous marriages, homosexual marriages, forced marriages, marriages involving an underage, or mentally ill or drugged person or marriages involving a person who is not free to marry. Such a union is not recognized by God as a marriage.
    The Jews in the Old Testament were given a number of rules to determine a valid marriage, such as involving close relatives, violated women, divorced wives and marriages to slaves and foreign women. Note that divorce and bigamy was allowed. The New Testament has a little to say about what constitutes a valid marriage, one is that a church leader must have been married only once.
    All people, believers and unbelievers alike, are created by God. Are only marriages between believers put together by God? No, God loves all that he has created, he created the world and placed man in it according to his plan, and his plan was and is that his will should be done on earth as it is in heaven. As his will extends even to the smallest things, it surely includes determining who should marry who. However, as we well know, God has given man a choice to obey or disobey God and man's choice is all too often not in accordance with God's will.
    Are all marriages that are recognized by society or the government also recognized by God? No, for there are many situations where people marry, even homosexual marriages, that are legal in the eyes of the government but obviously have not been put together by God. This is a key point in understanding divorce and remarriage.

Four Points Concerning Divorce and Remarriage Let us examine the following four points to see if they are supported in the Word of God:
    (1) Godly marriages, marriages approved or recognized by God, are considered to be put together by God and are permanent while both are still living (Luke 20:34-36); therefore remarriage results in adultery (Mt 19:9).
    (2) However, ungodly marriages, couples joined together outside of the providence of God, are not marriages in his sight; therefore a civil divorce and a new marriage that has been put together by God is allowed. An ungodly marriage may be just two people living together in fornication, regardless of the legal status given by the government or the society in which they live.
    (3) The Church, guided by the Word of God as revealed by the Holy Spirit, is the final judge of whether or not a marriage is of God; however, in gray areas of remarriage, the Church must consider the belief of the couple as to whether their previous marriage was of God or not. In many cases it will be obvious that the marriage must have been put together by God.
    (4) The Church, guided by the Word of God as revealed by the Holy Spirit, has the power to declare a marriage godly, even if one or both were involved in a previous ungodly marriage (Mt 18:18).

Matthew 19 Now let us see if we can support these four points by considering the teaching of Jesus concerning divorce and remarriage in Matthew 19.

    Some Pharisees came to him, and to test him they asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?"
    He answered, "Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
    They said to him, "Why then did Moses command us to give a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her?"
    He said to them, "It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for fornication [Greek porneia], and marries another commits adultery (Greek moicheia)."
    His disciples said to him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry."
    But he said to them, "Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can." (Mt 19:3-12)

God’s Toleration What do we see here in this teaching of the Lord Jesus concerning marriage and divorce? For one thing, we see that God has tolerance for the weaknesses of mankind as he did allow divorce. Is there any other area of human activity where God is so tolerant? Has his tolerance ended? Consider that Jesus said, "Let anyone accept this who can."

Godly Marriage Another item to note is that Jesus said, "What God has joined together, let no one separate." If all couples were joined together by God, then he would not have need to say this, but since he did, he is saying that only those that are joined together by God should not be separated by man. This obviously implies that those couples that are not joined together by God can be separated.

Ungodly Marriage What is an ungodly marriage? Any marriage that has not been put together by God. Take, for example, homosexual marriages, are they joined together by God? We would all say a loud NO. But now there is an effort to make homosexual marriages legal in some states. If they become legal in the eyes of the state, will they become legal in the eyes of God, who is higher than the state? Of course not, we will loudly say. If a homosexual legally married to another homosexual later divorces, repents of his sin, and joins the Church, can he be married in the eyes of God? We would obviously say yes as we did not recognize the homosexual marriage, even though it may be valid in the eyes of the state, it was not valid in the eyes of God.
    What about heterosexual unions that are questionable? Take the case of a child bride, which is legal in some countries. Her parents marry her off to an adult man in exchange for money or other advantages. The child bride has no say in the matter and may be too young to really know what is going on. Is that couple joined together by God and their marriage valid in God’s eyes? We would probably say no, it is not.
    Another example of an obviously ungodly marriage would be one between close relatives, it would be considered incest.
    The Chronicle of the Hutterian Brethren, Volume I, page 289, contains this writing from the 16th century about ungodly marriages: "Christ said, 'What God has joined together, no man must separate.' Here we must first consider whether a marriage was joined by God or according to the ways of the world. Many couples come together as fornicators; even if they later married by a priest (who is usually of the same stamp), does that mean that they are joined together by God? More often than not they are joined together by the evil one, who has power over such people. When people marry for money and possessions, are they joined together by God? Greed for money has brought them together."

Understanding the word "Fornication" The Greek word translated as "fornication" in Mt 19:9 is "porneia" and that word is used in the Bible to mean a sexual union involving two persons, neither of whom is in a marriage put together by God. It is also used to mean marriages or unions that are not valid in the sight of God, as shown in the following examples:

They said to him, "We are not born of fornication (Greek porneia)]; we have one father, God himself." (John 8:41)

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality [Greek porneia] among you, and of a kind that is not found even among pagans; for a man is living with his father's wife. (I Cor 5:1)

Fornication is used to describe sexual unions that are not valid in the eyes of God regardless if they are legally married in the eyes of society. (It is also used to describe spiritual unions of an unholy nature but that is outside our discussion here.)
If marriages put together by God can not be separated, then fornication would not separate it; however, if the marriage was not put together by God, then it is not a marriage in God’s sight. So we can see that Jesus must have meant illicit marriages (marriages not put together by God) in Mt 19:9. Therefore, we can read Mt 19:9 as saying "Whoever divorces his wife, except in a marriage that is not a valid marriage in God’s sight [it is really just fornication], and marries another commits adultery."

Understanding the word "Adultery" The Greek word translated as "adultery" in Mt 19:9 is "moicheia" and that word is usually used in the Bible to mean a sexual union involving a person who is in a marriage put together by God and another person who is not in that same marriage. Look again at Mt 19:9 and consider how Jesus used the word "fornication" in one place and the word "adultery" in another place: "Whoever divorces his wife, except for fornication, and marries another commits adultery."
We need to remember the difference between the word "fornication" and "adultery". A person married in God’s eyes can not commit fornication but can commit adultery. A person not married in God’s eyes can not commit adultery but can commit fornication. And note that "Thou shall not commit adultery" is one of the Ten Commandments while fornication is not listed.

I Corinthians 7 Now how do we understand the apostle Paul’s teaching on divorce and remarriage in I Cor 7? He wrote: "A wife is bound as long as her husband lives. But if the husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, only in the Lord." (I Cor 7:39 NRSV) But he also wrote: "If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so; in such a case the brother or sister is not bound. It is to peace that God has called you." (I Cor 7:15 NRSV)
In the one case the wife is bound but in the other case she is not bound. From the context we can see that in one case he is referring to ungodly marriages and in the other case to godly marriages. In a godly marriage, a wife is bound to the marriage as long as her husband lives. In an ungodly marriage, she is not bound as it was not a marriage in God’s eyes. Therefore what the apostle Paul taught was in harmony with the teachings of Jesus, which is what one would expect of his apostles.
Also note that in I Cor 7, the holy apostle Paul is addressing three groups of people: those who are single or widowed (verse 8), those who are married (verse 10) and "to the rest" (verse 12) which consists of believers with an unbelieving spouse, he does not consider them to be married.

From Darkness into the Light When one is born again, one comes out of darkness into the Light of Christ. All past sins are forgiven, the person is a new creation in God’s sight. All previous sexual relationships, whether or not recognized by the government or society as legal marriages, are in the past and under the blood of Christ. A new creation is a fresh start and the marriage that a person is in at the time is then subject to the rule of Christ and his Church.

Assurance of Salvation It is very important that the Church confirms or rejects the marriage situation of its new born members. The devil, the accuser of the brethren (Rev 12:10), will do his best to cause the new member to doubt his salvation. A person must be able to rest assured in Christ and know that he is right with God. It is the duty of the Church to help provide that assurance.
One aspect of water baptism is the public assurance by the Church that the baptized person is now recognized as a member of the Church and has the assurance of salvation if he endures to the end. In a similar way, when the Church recognizes a marriage as being joined together by God, it is giving that couple the assurance of approval by God.

Practical Applications How does this work out in practical cases? Let us take the not uncommon case of a couple seeking to join the Church and one was married previously. If the Church determines, and the couple agrees, that the previous marriage was not of God, then the Church has the power to declare the current marriage godly and accept them as members with their current marriage intact. They do not have to separate, but now their marriage is permanent and they can not remarry again as long as the current spouse is still living.
    There are many gray areas in remarriage situations which require the Church to be guided by the Holy Spirit in order to determine God’s will in each case.
    What guidelines should the Church use to determine the validity of a previous marriage? That is very similar to determining if a person is a Christian. There are common sense guidelines, such as spiritual abuse and unfaithfulness, which can be applied but even so the Church must seek the will of God in each situation.
    Of special concern would be any young children involved. To break up a happy home and leave children without their father or mother would seem to be an abomination to the Lord.
    An example would be the real life case of George. He was a baptized member of his conservative Anabaptist church but he left to marry a divorced woman. Later she divorced him and he returned to his church. The church did not recognize his marriage to the divorced women so is he then considered to have never been married and is now free to marry within the church? Would his situation be any different if he had just lived with the woman without the benefit of a marriage license? In the eyes of the church it is the same therefore logic tells us that he should be free to remarry. However, logic does not always prevail, the spirit of the Pharisees often overrule it and the result is sacrifice instead of mercy.
    How do we judge people outside the Church who are living in an ungodly marriage? We don't! Not even to judge if their marriage is ungodly or not. Judgement is in the hands of God. Jesus said, "Judge not, less you be judged."
    Let's take another example of a real life case that I am aware of. The wife was married before, she was quite young, wild and living high on drugs when she was led before a justice of the peace and married to another drug addict while high on drugs. Later she came off of that life, but her legal husband would not and so they separated and were divorced. She became born again, surrendered her life to Christ and then remarried, had two children and then they both came to join our assembly. Should she be rejected because of her second marriage or be commanded to leave her husband, the father of her young children?
    Yes, the Christian life is a narrow path. But one should have mercy on people in a remarriage situation and not demand sacrifice. A remarried person can choose to live a single life, but it should not be forced on them in every case, for that is not showing mercy but rather you are demanding sacrifice from someone else and not yourself.
    This does not mean that the door to remarry is wide open, that any divorced person joining the Church is free to remarry. No, based on my knowledge of life today (I am 63 years old), I would say that only a small percentage would be recognized by the Church as free to remarry. What I am saying is that the Church must do its duty and determine when a remarriage is approved and when it is not. It must be guided by the Word of God as revealed by the Holy Spirit and not by man-made rules that are contrary to the will of God.

Summary Previous marriages that were not put together by God are not marriages at all in his sight and so should be considered by the Church when considering a person’s application for membership. Remember that there are three kinds of marriages, as stated at the beginning of this article.
    A person who is born again becomes a new creation, all past sins are forgiven and he is made new in Christ. Past ungodly marriages are under the blood of Christ and are forgiven and are as if they never were. Such a person is now free to marry in the Lord, although to remain single is a higher calling.
    People tend to see marriages from the view point of society but they should try to see marriages from the view point of God, who created all of us and has a plan, a detailed plan, for everyone which may or may not include marriage and if it does, it specifies who that person is.
    We must remember that marriage is only for this lifetime, it is not for eternity. The marriage that lasts for eternity is our marriage to Christ. That marriage is far more important than an earthly marriage and must be considered when an earthly marriage is drawing a person away from Christ. Then a separation may be necessary for the salvation of one's soul.
    Another problem is that people who have never been divorced tend to be Pharisees and look down on those who have been, they demand sacrifice instead of giving mercy.
    It is easy to make rules such as no divorce and remarriage whatsoever. This is simple and clear to everyone. However, that is a man-made rule and goes beyond what Christ has said.
    It is not so easy to leave decisions on the validity of a past marriage up to the Church with the expectation that the Church is guided by the Holy Spirit in such matters. Takes faith and courage to rely upon God for everything, but isn't that what he wants?

May the Lord give us wisdom and free us from the leaven of the Pharisees.

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